Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58

As 2016 comes to an end, it is with great hope that we look forward to 2017. Our hope comes not from great financial success nor from the great things we have accomplished in 2016. It comes from the hearts of the people we have met and served over 2016. When we started Shadow of His Wings Ministry over 10 years ago, it was because of a hope that Jesus placed in our hearts that the broken-hearted really could be healed; after all, He had done it for us.

This ministry has always been based upon a philosophy of “Jehovah Jireh” or “God is our provider”. When we first embarked on the mission of Shadow of His Wings Ministry, it was out of a one-time gift provided by a man in our church of $2000.00. His words were simple, “God asked me to give you this so that you could start His ministry.” He knew nothing of the stirrings in our hearts, nor had we talked to him about the vision that the Father had already given us. From then on, our counseling services have been provided on a donation basis and we have never turned anyone away based on their ability to pay. It is our heart and it is our purpose. Have we struggled? Yes. There have been many who have said that we should charge, that we should turn people away that can’t pay. But God has always reminded us of His plan and His purpose.
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The folks we serve are a mission field. Many are broken, downcast, and hopeless people, who question their very worth, as well as God’s love. We are not your typical “counseling practice”, we are a healing and hope ministry. We believe the people we serve find something more than the current ‘theory of the day” or the message “love yourself”. We believe those we serve find Love Himself. We believe those we touch find a Person, a Promise, and a Purpose in their lives. Of course, we know that we don’t do this, but it is our Hope that does it, Jehovah Rapha – God our Healer. We hope you will join us in this journey and help support the work we do. 

Having done this work a long time, I have been on a never ceasing journey to not only maintain freedom, but also to help men find freedom from their sexual brokenness. Pornography, compulsive sexual behaviors, and broken sexuality all work together to destroy a man’s image of himself. Am I a pervert? Am I son of God? Where do I fit? Why am I such a failure at managing my sexuality? All of these questions slowly whittle away at a man’s belief of who he is and to Whom he belongs. Ultimately, the questions arise, “Where is God? Why won’t He help? Has He forgotten me?”

Oftentimes, in an attempt to “clean up” a man will begin to fill his life with tools. These tools are meant to help him in his efforts to find purity and freedom. Some help. Some are necessary to provide accountability through the journey. However, ultimately use of these tools alone, only leads to “white knuckling” through life. Hanging on tight to whatever moments of success he can find. Ultimately, focusing on the tools alone, leads to more failure. He must begin to focus on the deeper brokenness of his heart. In John, Chapter 8, we find in verse 32, these words “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." That means if we don’t have freedom, there must still be some lies in our heart.
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These lies can tell us things about our identity, our purpose, our inability to be free. Satan’s desire is to see us fail. Our Father’s desire is to see us believe our purpose and identity in Him. One leads to failure, the other to freedom. If you’re still struggling, you’re not a failure; you just haven’t fully trusted the truths of who you are and the truths of your freedom. If you have accepted Christ as your Savior, then you are a Son of the King with all of the rights and inheritances and privileges of the Kingdom. Use the tools, but don’t forget to keep looking for Truth; He’s there. He will help you see those things that hinder your freedom.
 
Questions to Ponder:

1. What were your beliefs about your sexuality growing up?
2. How do you think God views you regarding your sexuality?
3. Does God love you the same before and after failure?

One of the saddest times in my life was when I was around 16 years of age and I was deeply entrenched in sin. I was acting out sexually with men in public restrooms, looking at porn, struggling with compulsive sexual behaviors, and completely alone. I thought that there was no one around that would even understand my broken heart and that no one would want to help someone as despicable as me. 

As I looked around, I saw people in the church and, well - they all just seemed so perfect. Although I had accepted Christ at the age of 8 years old, I felt truly abandoned by Him and everyone else in my life. I truly thought that when I accepted Christ as my personal Savior, then life should be good for me. There weren't supposed to be any hurts in my life, no pain. It sure seemed, as I looked around that little Baptist Church that I grew up in, that no one else had problems. Just me...

I finally got the courage up to go see a youth pastor at my church and out of absolute desperation, I vomited everything I had been doing on the table before him. I know that I overwhelmed him. I know that he didn't really know what to do with my sin, but what he did next was absolutely devastating. He looked up into my eyes and pushed the Bible to me and said, "Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor homosexuals will enter the Kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9)". So you better start praying and hoping that God forgives your sin, or your going to hell. 

All hope for me was lost that day. I knew that I had already been praying for God to heal me. I already knew that I had confessed my sin over and over to God, hoping He would take it away. He hadn't. So, He either couldn't or worse yet, He wouldn't. He had abandoned me.

It is my heart that no one ever have to struggle with this dilemma. You see as I have found healing and have been helping other for over 20 years, I have realized that even the saved can struggle with besetting sin. Sin caused by deep wounds that need to be healed so that "Truth" can get into those broken places. It was not that I lacked salvation, it was that I lacked Truth. I needed someone to help me navigate through my pain and find the Truths that Christ was offering to me. Sometimes, however, in our brokenness, we can't see or hear. We only know the shackles around our ankles and the chains that engulf our body.

If you struggle with a sin you just can't seem to get free from, there is Hope. Hope is Christ. Hope is in the Freedom in Christ. However, sometimes you need someone to help walk with you along the path to freedom. I think of many of the healings that Jesus performed in the Bible during His time on the earth. Those healings often included someone bringing the "broken" to Him, interceding for them, even cutting a hole in a roof to lower a friend to Christ. Don't give up struggler! There is freedom in Him - even for those who know Him but haven't been fully healed. Oh, and just in case you are wondering, He hasn't given up on you either. 

Shadow of His Wings Ministry believes the Truth that even the "saved" sitting in our churches, our neighborhoods, our own backyards may be struggling with sin they just can't get freedom from. It is our New Mission Field - To heal the Body of Christ. Many times churches seek after salvation for their sheep, but not for true healing. Then once we get into church, we are afraid to really let people see what goes on in our brokenness because, "What if they won't then accept me?" Rather than questioning someone's salvation, may we first try and find the hurts that lead them to their sin. As Christ begins to expose those hurts and then heal them, they just might find their true identity in Christ and begin living free!

Suddenly, the curtain in the sanctuary was torn in two from top to bottom, the earth shook, rocks were split open… Matthew 27:51 (NIV)

Child: Hey Dad, can we talk?
Abba God: Sure my child, what’s on your mind?
Child: Are you sure you want to talk with me? I have been struggling in this world and I am not doing so great right now. I had the hardest time even coming here… I don’t think you want to know what I’ve been doing. I should just probably go…
Abba God: I already know what you’ve been up to child. Your every moment is my concern. Your every hurt, pain, and distraction is on my heart. My eye is always on you. You’re that important to me.
Child: So if you know my junk, then you really must be upset with me. You keep asking me to do better, and I always fail. I am just a failure… I’m not worthy to be in your presence. I’m probably one of your worst kids huh?
Abba God: I’m not upset with you child. I love you more than you could imagine. My love is not dependent upon your goodness, it’s based upon who you are and what Jesus did for you. He died so that you could know me fully and so we could always be together – good or bad. That’s why the veil was torn… nothing separates us now. His blood covers everything that used to keep us apart. Oh, and by the way you’re not one of my worst kiddos, I am especially fond of all of you.
Child: I don’t know why I keep messing up. I am afraid I will never get it, Dad. I am worried that I will always struggle and that my junk is just too much.
Abba God: I know you are discouraged child… but I am not. Why? Because I know your heart better than you do and I also know my Jesus. His love and power is at work in you… keep coming to see me. Let nothing keep us apart… even your junk. I care more about your heart than your goodness. Apart from me you can do nothing. Stay with me, come see me, even when you feel the most desperate. I am always here. Don’t ever forget that.
Child: You really love me that much?
Abba God: Most definitely. My love is not dependent on you… its dependent on me. I’m Dad… you’re not. You just be my child and I will take you where you need to go. Just keep coming to see me and the more we talk, the more you know my love, the more you will remain in me. Lift your head child… you are my child, and you belong to me. I will never let you go. My heart and my love will always draw you to me. Just don’t let your shame keep us apart. I am the shame-healer. Look into my eyes… see the love I have for you. It is there in spite of your actions. My true love will set you free; shame only shackles you to your past. Come here now, sit with me and let me hold you. Feel my strength around you. Feel my love encompass you. See… isn’t that better?
Child: I feel better already Dad. You really do love me. I’m sorry I mess up. I really want to be good.
Abba God: I know, Child. I know your heart. I know your tears. I know your struggles. I also know your freedom. It’s coming. Now, just rest and I will sing you a lullaby.

May you rest in Him today. Knowing His full love and hope for you. Remember you are a Child of the King. Live like one! The veil is torn! Go boldly into the throne room, He’s waiting for you.

In recent months, and even in the last few years, there has been a beginning of an uproar against counseling for the “sin” of homosexuality. Regardless of what you call it, counseling is an attempt to help someone who may want to see truth and healing in order to live the life God has for them. And yes, they do have to want it. So, counseling is not forced, it is not demanded, it is an offering. What is really the problem?  Well, the problem is there is a battle going on for a belief. That belief is one of two options – either I am born gay and therefore no one should try and help me “heal” or I’m broken and I need healing. Those in favor of being “born gay” have determined that the rest of us, who believe we weren't “born gay”, are wrong and that we should not have the right to change and to heal because that would fly in the face of their truth. The mere fact that we exist, I mean those of us who want to change and have changed, frustrate the opposing side because that would mean that they could be wrong and change is possible. Hurt, anger, and pride have caused them to only see their side of the issue. They must be right, or they have to re-examine their entire existence. If even one of us can change, then they may be wrong and then they would be faced with their own brokenness.

The problem is that there is a core fundamental belief that is at issue. If I am truly born gay then of course, “Why should I receive counseling to try and change who I was born to be?” Isn't it interesting that the rest of us are saying the same thing? I was born straight; I just want the opportunity to heal from the brokenness that lies to me and see who I really am. Why can’t I as a straight male who at one time had same-sex attraction say the same thing and get help? Does this make sense? There is no question here of hate or discrimination, only an offering of healing.

Gay community says: I am gay. I was born this way. Let me be who I am.

Trans-gendered community says: “I am born in the wrong body. Let me change so that I can be who I want to be”

Healing for homosexual sin says: “I was born right, but feel wrong. Help me change so that I can be who God meant for me to be”

There is such a double standard and if we don’t wake up to the issue, then we are going to lose the right to get help as we see fit. I spent most of my adolescent years fighting the feelings of attraction to other men. I acted on my attractions; I felt for other men and I had sex with other men. I have been there. I have wanted to claim my identity and say “I am gay!” However, that never felt right to me and it never fit. I never truly felt that I was not meant to be the man God made me to be. There is a great line that has to be crossed to say, MY GOD IS WRONG. As often as I tried to cross that line, I couldn’t and be happy. So, I found happiness when I found healing and began to see the man I was meant to be. Now the gay agenda wants to take that option of healing away from others. The gay community wants to say, “We want the right to be who we want to be, but you can’t have that same right.” And, “We will take away your right to see if there is a way to be who God intended you to be.”

The issue of therapy or counseling for those struggling with same-sex attraction should be their choice. What is the difference between counseling, conversion therapy, or reparative therapy? Isn’t all therapy meant to repair what has been broken and heal what makes us hurt? No matter the label that recent opponents have placed on it, the fact remains that healing is still healing. Regardless of what you think of the topic, counseling is still meant to heal and repair. Just because the “gay agenda” is now saying that you can’t say that – doesn’t mean that the rest of us don’t count. We are here! We are here! We, the ones who feel like God has changed us and that counseling did help. Are you listening? We are here!

Let me give you another scenario. What if you had a son who was struggling with drugs or alcohol? What lengths would you go to save him? Would you take away his car keys, lock him in his room, refuse to give him money for anything because you didn’t know what he would use it for? Would you try and put him in a treatment facility even if he didn’t want to go? As a parent, I would do just about anything to keep my child from getting lost in the hopelessness of any addiction, or for that matter, any pain. President Obama is asking parents to stop trying to help their children see both sides of the coin. What is wrong with realizing that a child might actually benefit from at least hearing, “You have a choice so look at all your choices? Don’t let anyone demand that you are a certain way.”  Now we have “the gay agenda” attempting to sue caregivers who tried to help them earlier in life. Be very cautious. When we start allowing lawsuits to punish those who did not mean harm, but were only trying to help and offer hope, we open a door that will not go anywhere good. In the example of the son addicted to drugs – would you allow that son to “sue” his parents for attempting to help?

With regards to suicide, we are running scared trying to address the fear of what to do when a trans-gendered individual or a “gay struggler” wants to commit suicide because they feel ostracized. Do you realize that I too contemplated suicide at one time in my young adult life? Why, because I was gay and not allowed to feel gay and be gay? NO! I contemplated suicide because I knew the man God made me, but could not figure out a way to find that man. He was lost in my brokenness. What you are not hearing about, are the countless number of folks who were hurt and hurting until they FOUND freedom from homosexuality. We are here! WE ARE HERE! Are we as a society concerned with those suicides? With those individuals who now may have nowhere to turn? Will we be willing to look at their hopelessness and potential feelings of suicide?

All I am asking is to be cautious. I understand both sides of this discussion. However, when one person or people group has the power to take away the options for the rest of us, then we are in grave danger. No one can take away my story. No one can change what I feel or what I have seen in my life. However, if we allow counseling, healing, hope for folks who want to change to be “stopped” because of a few, then we lose out on the freedoms of all the others. Those seeking change should continue to have the freedom to change. Out of my healing I should be able to offer the same choice to someone else who wants to change. Gay agenda, what are you afraid of? We are here! We are not going away. We have been changed. I am sorry that leaders before us, including some leaders of the fallen Exodus Ministries did not do the work needed to fully change and therefore ruined a lot for the rest of us. But those of us, who continue to fight the good fight, seek hope, seek change, and become the men and women God has made us to be, are still here, we’re still in the battle, and we will not be silent. If you truly want freedom for yourselves and the ability to choose your own identity, can’t others still have the same freedom?  

If God is for us, who can be against us. Romans 8:31


Lee Preston is Co-founder and Co-Director of Shadow of His Wings Ministry located in South Texas. Shadow of His Wings Ministry is a healing and counseling ministry seeking to offer hope and recovery to the broken-hearted and the wounded.

Visit us at www.shadowofhiswingsministry.com

Or call

210-887-9007

He loves you Enough to tell you the truth

God will not allow us to change His truths. He will allow us to believe untruths, but that does not mean that He will ever change His truth. We live in a day and age where truth is relative and untruths are tolerated. The truth that God is the giver of life, we aren’t. He also determines when life begins, we do not. Many see God as a tyrant or as an authoritative parent who is always saying “no”. Think back when you were a young child. How did you feel when your Mom or Dad said “No” to something they knew would hurt you but you just knew it would be the greatest thing ever? You got angry – upset even. We aren’t too far removed from that child, even as adults. We still get angry when we have a loving and wise Father who whispers in our ear, “That’s not my best for you.” There are a lot of angry people out there that get even angrier when God whispers truth into their ear. However, He loves us enough to tell us the truth because He wants our best.

He loves you Enough not to let your choices affect His purposes

We kill unborn babies, we choose to live together rather than marry, we try to change the definition of marriage, we even try and change the way He made us because we don’t like who we are. His Love and Purpose will not change even when we attempt to change. He gave us free will and a choice because He knew that we would only come to resent a God that demanded that we love Him the way He is and the way He has made His creation. So out of love for us, He has allowed us choice, but our choices will not ultimately change Him or His will. It is so sad today to see people try and fit God into their lives rather than them fitting into His will. His will is perfect. It doesn’t change; it is truly the only constant. Why is there so much pain in the world? Most often because of our bad and broken choices that cause us great pain. Remember again, when you were a child and your parent finally “gave in” and allowed you to eat all the candy you wanted or allowed you to roller skate without elbow pads? What happened? You got a tummy ache or you crashed and skinned your elbows. Then who was there to stay up with you all night as you were throwing up or bandaged your boo boos? Well, now you have a Father in Heaven that loves you so much, He will bandage your boo boos and He does stay up all night with us when we are in pain. However, He has been whispering in your ear all this time “Don’t do that… it’s not your best. You will get hurt. I love you and I don’t want you get hurt.” Sometimes we choose to harm others or to harm ourselves and then we cry out to Him in pain and desperation. You can be god of your own life, but His purposes and plan will not change. Be careful, you may find that one day you have not truly chosen the one true Plan, Jesus Christ and His best. There may be no turning back at that point.

He loves you Enough to not change, even when you demand that He should

God does not change. How do you change perfection? Isn’t that exactly what satan wanted God to do in the beginning? He wanted God to change and to step down from His rightful place because satan thought He could do it better and was better. He was not and he is not. And, sorry, we aren’t either. You may think that the “thing” you most desire or the “way” you want your life to be will be the best thing ever if you could just have it. You have sex, get pregnant, and then you want to just “get rid of the unborn child”. In the moment, you think this is the best solution and if you could just get it over with, it would all be okay. Then after the abortion, you can’t shake the deep, throbbing wound of killing your child. You live with a constant reminder that “I have a child in Heaven that I will see someday and he/she knows that I took their life”. What do you do with that pain? Well, of course God still loves you. He’s taking care of your child. He is loving you and trying to heal your pain. But, what if… you had listened to Him in the first place and allowed His best and let Him help you through this crisis of belief? Maybe He would have come up with another plan that would have prevented your pain and sorrow. His plan is always best. He will always come up with another option that leads to the least pain and the most reward. However, we want to be our own god and be in charge of what we do. Then we wonder why we have so much pain.

Maybe you don’t like how God made you. Too fat? Too thin? Not pretty enough, not strong enough? A boy in a girl’s body or a girl in a boy’s body? What you see may not be the truth. You may demand change but God knows what’s coming. He knows the hurt you will continue to feel and He knows that His original will always be better than the counterfeit. I know, shouldn’t we just let people be “who they want to be?” Well, truthfully, that is the way God’s plan works. He has given us free will choice and He will allow us to choose what we desire for ourselves. But it doesn’t mean that He will ever change His mind and say that what you chose was actually better than His plan. His best is to take us in His arms and love us to truth. To help us see who we really are, rather than just to give in and give us what we think we want. However, many choose to shun that love and make their own way. He still doesn’t change and His love is still there. However, so much pain, so much anger, so much resentment – He sees it. He knows that we resent Him. But why? Because you didn’t make me the way I wanted you to? You are not God. You are perfect just the way you are. Let Him show you – or choose your own way. However, you may have more pain than you ever had before. Our ways often lead to more brokenness and hurt.

He loves you Enough to love you in spite of your brokenness

Will God continue to love us even when we choose our own way? Yes. Absolutely, yes. Will we all enter into His best and into the Family of God? No. Absolutely, no. You see, a loving God will continue to love us, even when we choose our own way, choose to be our own god, make our own choices. He will continue to seek after us, go find us in our broken places, and bring us home to heal. However, if we continue to reject His love and His Son, Jesus Christ, we will not be a part of the Family of God. Nothing changes that  - not even us. Why would a loving God continue to love me in my own brokenness but not just “allow me to continue to reject Him and His sacrifice?” Because He will never stop being God – He will never stop knowing what is best for us. There will come a day when you must either see that God’s best is best and choose to follow Him; otherwise, you never will. You will always want your own way and want to be your own God. Again, remember when you were a child and your Dad wouldn’t allow you to play with kids that were only going to hurt you? God is our loving Father and He is preparing a place for us - a place of Hope, Love, Life, and Honor. A place to dwell that will have no sadness, anger, pain, hurt, or shame. A place where He is God and it will be our joy to worship Him and be in relationship with Him. If you can’t acknowledge that you’re not God you will not ever see the perfect love of your Father. You will always try and get your own way and you will not care if you hurt others in the process. God wants His children to be safe, not to continue to hurt. He sacrificed His son so that you could be in the Family of God. However, you must see your lack and His sufficiency. If you can’t see Him at that point, you never will. Be careful, that day is coming.

Walking through the loss of a loved one with a friend has recently caused me to think more often of my own Grandma. Feeling the sadness of a loss, missing their smile, remembering their hugs all cause great grief and pain because of course, they’re no longer here on this earth. It is easy to say, “She’s in a better place” or “We all knew this day would come someday”. However, these well meaning words can never take away the loss and the pain of missing them, for now. So out of this sadness comes a moment to reflect on my own Grandma Preston. Here’s to you Grandma and your memory, as well as your legacy.

My Grandma was my biggest fan. I don’t remember a time when she ever had anything but love for me. Even when there were times that I am sure I got on her last nerve, she was always there, always ready to love, always looking at me with that sparkle in her eye. My Grandma was the most giving and unconditional person that I have ever known. She oftentimes would go above and beyond her own strength or abilities to make sure that her family was loved, no matter what. Let me tell you a little about her… she’s worthy of remembering.

My Grandma never seemed to lose her temper. She would sometimes threaten to “cut a switch” when we were running through the house or ignoring her words to “behave”. But, she never did. The great thing was that she taught us how to respect her through her love, not her fear. She treated each of her grandchildren with unconditional love. I never remember feeling a time that I felt unloved or that others were loved more than me. She had a way of spreading her love around in a way that made each of us feel special – even me. You see, I was a bit mischievous and was always getting into something or finding a way to explore somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be. She seemed to understand that and always was there to love me in spite of my mistakes. I remember many times when she would come to my rescue or wink at me when I was getting scolded for something by someone else. I always knew that while she didn’t approve of my rebellion, she loved me through it.

One time I remember going over to my Grandma’s house after school. We oftentimes stopped by on our way home and she and my Grandpa were always sitting on the front porch and we would sit out and talk to them. Oh, we wouldn’t necessarily stay long, but we would stay just long enough to talk, reminisce about the old days, and then go home. We also usually had time to at least have a snack as my Grandma always had something in the kitchen to eat. She loved providing for her family. One time I remember coming into her kitchen and feeling the growling in my stomach from a long day at school and hoping that she had something to remedy that. I remember my Mom saying, “Don’t eat anything because we’re going home to have dinner soon.” However, I knew my Grandma had something in her refrigerator that would hold me over until dinner, and that she did. I opened the door and found a plate of homemade fried chicken, wrapped neatly in cellophane and ready for me to grab a piece. I struggled… wait until dinner, or go ahead and sneak a piece – what should I do? I decided to grab a piece and run. I lifted the cellophane ever so neatly and grabbed a wing and a leg and scurried off to the bathroom to devour my prize. My Grandparent’s house was an older house with wooden framed windows and the old screens that latch with a small hook and eye in the window sill. After eating my find, I had to dispose of the evidence. So, rather than throwing the bones in the trash where I was sure they would be found, I decided to open that screen and toss them out the window into the backyard. My tummy was full, my hands were clean, and the evidence was safely out of sight… at least that’s what I thought. I failed to notice that I hadn’t re-latched the screen.

What I didn’t know was that my Grandpa soon went into the bathroom and came out exclaiming “Someone was trying to get into the house because the bathroom screen was unlatched.” Of course, this caused great alarm and then everyone starting searching around the bathroom and outside the bathroom window for evidence of what could have happened or who could have unlatched the bathroom screen? My heart sank when I heard my Mom say, “There are chicken bones out here!” Mmmm, interesting… could it be? A chicken-eating intruder that left his evidence as he was crawling out the window?” No, unfortunately, all eyes fell on me and I couldn’t keep my secret any longer. I confessed, my Mom got mad, but my Grandma had that twinkle in her eye. She came over to me and she said, “You can have as much chicken as you want – I know how much you like it.”

I know this story may not mean much to you, but being the chicken-eating bandit in my family was just a part of my adventures and one of the many times that my curiosity and mischievousness got me into trouble. And, it was also one of the many times that my Grandma came to my rescue and loved me still. There are many other stories and many other times that her eyes twinkled. She was a woman of great love and hope. She would love all of her grandchildren in such a way that you thought she must know you personally and she made sure she saw each of us. Her giggles would light up a room and when she smiled, her whole face smiled. She would sometimes giggle so hard that she would lose her breath and the warmth that came from her was catching. My Grandma was a picture of my Jesus and for that Grandma, I am truly thankful.

Grandma, I just want you to know that you are missed. I think of you often and hope that you are having a blast in heaven. I hope that you are enjoying gardening, fixing everyone your homemade fried chicken, and doing as many crossword puzzles as you like. Your memories are knitted into my life just like the crocheted blankets you made for all of us. My heart was blessed by your love and your memory. You are truly one of the Saints that has gone before me. I long to see you someday and I know the twinkle in your eye will still be there. Jesus, give my Grandma a hug and tell her I’ll see her soon.

Love,
Lee

            What has happened to some of today’s churches? Why is it they seem to be more like a business than a body? When the church becomes more a business than a body, then the Holy Spirit is constricted and forced into a box of man’s own making. Before I continue, I just want to express these thoughts and acknowledge they are my own. Many may disagree, but I believe that God has laid these words on my heart for a while now and I have decided to put them on paper. It is necessary to speak the truth in love and offer what I believe is a deep broken place in some churches and ministries – the desire to create a business rather than  a functioning part of the body of Christ.

            Let me just offer a couple of examples. When a church becomes more concerned with the beauty of its sanctuary, the size of its building, or the convenience of its parking lot then there just may be a deeper focus on the business than the body. Since when did we need another building, another church on the block, another addition? These are just some things to think about and to ponder in your spirit. Sometimes we do so much in the name of Christ that has nothing to do with Him at all. Another example, when did we stop listening to the Holy Spirit when seeking a pastor for our church rather than a list of credentials? How many times have well-meaning “search committees” gone out saying they are seeking the Holy Spirit in their efforts, only to have their own list of credentials that must be met? The anointing of King David comes to mind. When others saw a shepherd boy, God saw a king. However, if it had been left up to some of the “search committees” of the day, the shepherd boy with mud under his nails and no “kingdom training” would have been left in the meadows tending sheep and wrestling bears. We must at least begin to acknowledge how the world has influenced the church rather than the Body influencing the world.

            Many well meaning ministry leaders have taken the tithes into the House of God and have determined that paying another “salary” or “buying better furniture” would be a good use of God’s tithe because it will bring people to church. However, how many churches are only drawing in milk-drinking believers that go from church to church? Are churches really seeking the lost or are they seeking to draw the “Christian demographic” who will tithe and bring in greater numbers and greater offerings? If we are really seeking the lost then we may not get the heftier tithes or the bigger buildings because the lost don’t understand tithing and don’t understand the need for better furniture for our offices. Come on, look at your heart. How many of us worry about numbers, how many will show, who will give and how we will get “bigger” rather than seeking God’s best regardless of the attendance. It is hard, I know. These things I struggle with as well. But do you feel it? The pull of the worldly influence on our understanding of success – more people, more money, bigger offices, larger churches,  more services that don’t really serve… the lost?

Read the following verse:

John 12:4-6

But Judas Iscariot, one of His disciples, who was intending to betray Him, said, “Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii and given to poor people?” Now he said this, not because he was concerned about the poor, but because he was a thief, and as he had the money box, he used to pilfer what was put into it. 

 Interesting right? Would we hear the Holy Spirit if it told us to take the money that was given to build a bigger parking lot, or to expand the counseling center that already serves the already served, and give it to those “non-christians” that really do need it? Maybe the Christians in your own backyard that don’t live on the right side of town or that don’t come to church or that don’t offer any potential to “give tithes” at this point in their lives? Mary took the jar of nard and poured it over Jesus’ feet because she loved Him and listened to the Holy Spirit. How many of us don’t listen but do what the world would tell us? Then when we build a larger office or get better equipment; we justify like Judas and say we did it for the kingdom. Who did we really do it for? Maybe we might have to admit that we did it so we could feel successful, accomplished, like we were getting somewhere because after all, more money, bigger things, greater exposure, that means success right? Or maybe Jesus was only asking for you to take the “nard” He gave you and give it back to Him by giving it back to one, or two. That doesn’t make us feel quite as successful does it?

I am not saying that reaching more is not good. I am only asking us to look at the motives of our heart and determined if we have been deceived by this world and the business models that we so hold dear. These business models that takes the Body of Christ and molds it to its own making. Have you looked at what makes you feel successful and whose motives you follow? I am looking at myself just as intently. When we begin to seek to build because it makes us feel successful rather than for the Heart of Christ – we may make more, do more, and have more, but are we more to Him? Have you ever wondered if you restrict the power of the Holy Spirit because the Sunday morning bulletins have to match the overheads, which have to be the same theme for Sunday school and then we all have to be done at 11 minutes after 12p because we have to clear the parking lot for the next service? Who really cares if the Holy Spirit wants to move more this morning? Who are we serving then?

Maybe you need to look at where your tithes go? When was the last time you put some money in the “benevolence” fund and that made you feel good? When did you decide that well, giving a little to help those in need was enough? Maybe it was when you decided that if we give 6 percent of our total budget to “those in need” that makes us feel good enough to then go and spend the rest on better office furniture, bigger buildings, more shiny stuff. Again, I ask myself as a minister of a small ministry these same questions. They are hard questions, but real. My hope for our ministry is to be led by the Spirit in everything we do.

These are just some thoughts that were laid on my heart as I watch ministries grow larger in the name of Christ but sure look as if they are growing larger in the name of themselves. I see their heart change, their mission become more worldly, and their leading become more self-centered. Where is Christ? I also watch as “fat-cat” churches get bigger and serve more, but when I look in the pews I only see milk-fattened Christians who go to church on Sunday morning or Saturday nights so that they can “sleep in” on Sunday. They give their 10 percent because it is easy and they are checking a box. It feels good and then they can go to their favorite restaurant after church and feel like they have been with God for the week. What if we are all a little tainted by the world? What if the Holy Spirit is grieved by our laziness and our misguided attempt to serve?

I look at these things and am grieved not just by what I see, but by what I have done. I have been these people. I only pray that my heart be broken for a deeper service to our King. I don’t want to be on the surface anymore and be content with more attendees or more money coming in without regard to where it comes from. I also want to take what He gives and break it over His feet, even when it doesn’t feel like I am successful or when it seems to go against everything the world would offer. Please, pray and see if the line between the world and the Holy Spirit is a bit blurred in your own life. You may see something you hadn’t been looking for…

Thankfulness is different for me than others, I would suppose. I often wonder that thankfulness is supposed to be about warm gatherings around the fire and laughter filling the house. Those things are wonderful and those things do fill my heart with thanksgiving. However, thankfulness is different for me. It is a deeper understanding of the greater things in my life. Being thankful for loving family and a warm home and friends is amazing,  but it seems to fall short when I come to the place of true thankfulness. To me, true thankfulness, is in my sufferings – those things that have brought me pain. There, I have found real thanksgiving for all things.

Why would a God that loves me so much allow suffering in my life? I’m not just talking about what others have done, but also what I have done to destroy my own life at times. Why would He allow people to hurt me, disappointment me, let me down? I believe it is because true thankfulness comes out of the desperate pain of our lives. It is when we can say, I can truly give thanks in all things, that we find true thankfulness and peace.

So, I am truly thankful for the wonderful things and the not so wonderful things. For how would I fully know the truest love of Christ without experiencing the betrayal of others? How would I fully realize the joy of the Lord when I have not fully discovered the disappointment of others? The stark contrast between disappointments and the truest Love of the Lord is a wonderful display of true thankfulness. When I realized that no one will ever meet my every need and make me truly happy, I was able to see that there is One who will – Jesus Christ. I don’t mean this as just a “cute, Christian-way” of accepting pain. I mean it as a real, available, gritty, example of true living. Finding Christ in the depths of our disappointments is a beautiful process of His true love. He never disappoints, He never forgets me, He always reminds me of the places of my pain as he touches them and the scars of grace appear.

Just a reminder of the true meaning of Thankfulness… as far as I am concerned.