I believe that it is important to discuss sexual abuse in relation to sexual addiction, homosexuality, and belief that one is “gay”. Many times I talk to men who say they were never sexually abused, but then as I discuss with them there sexual experiences they begin to disclose times when they were “touched” or “fondled” when they were a child. Now, I have to define this clearly, this is abuse. If you were a child and someone even slightly older than you touched your penis, or fondled you then you may have experienced abuse. Many men look back over their lives and remember times when an older cousin or a peer asked to touch their private areas or to see them and say, “Well that is just normal curiosity.” This may be true if it is a one time thing with children of similar age that does not lead to mouth/genital contact or rubbing/fondling genital contact. Both of these activities are not “normal curiosity” and can lead to opening sexual doors at a very young age that were not meant to be open. I remember a client who told me that an older neighborhood boy masturbated in front of him and then asked him to touch his penis. The client told me that he thought this was normal exploration. However, this opened a door for him in his sexuality that was not closed and opened wider and wider as he began further experimentation with this boy. Being attracted to the same sex can be a result of being “touched” early on by a friend or family member and beginning that process of being sexual with another person. This is especially true if this was an adult with a child. This tends to cause conflicting sexual feelings and fear at the same time.
There is much shame associated with sexual abuse. While there is no comparison of pain or shame, there can be a greater stigma for a boy to admit he was sexually abused by another boy. This has much shame associated with it because the boy might feel as if he "is gay" or that he is somehow weird. The importance of talking about the sexual abuse is huge because keeping "secret" things in the dark only causes the shame to grow. There is a saying, "Only fungus and shame grows in the dark... and neither are good." If you have been touched or have done sexual activities with other boys as a child it is important to talk about it. God wants to help you heal and to let the pain out. You may think it has not affected you, but sometimes the feelings are silent and slowly change a man's heart. Remember any hurts in our lives can truly affect the way we look at God, ourselves, and others.
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