I believe that it is important to discuss sexual abuse in relation to sexual addiction, homosexuality, and belief that one is “gay”. Many times I talk to men who say they were never sexually abused, but then as I discuss with them there sexual experiences they begin to disclose times when they were “touched” or “fondled” when they were a child. Now, I have to define this clearly, this is abuse. If you were a child and someone even slightly older than you touched your penis, or fondled you then you may have experienced abuse. Many men look back over their lives and remember times when an older cousin or a peer asked to touch their private areas or to see them and say, “Well that is just normal curiosity.” This may be true if it is a one time thing with children of similar age that does not lead to mouth/genital contact or rubbing/fondling genital contact. Both of these activities are not “normal curiosity” and can lead to opening sexual doors at a very young age that were not meant to be open. I remember a client who told me that an older neighborhood boy masturbated in front of him and then asked him to touch his penis. The client told me that he thought this was normal exploration. However, this opened a door for him in his sexuality that was not closed and opened wider and wider as he began further experimentation with this boy. Being attracted to the same sex can be a result of being “touched” early on by a friend or family member and beginning that process of being sexual with another person. This is especially true if this was an adult with a child. This tends to cause conflicting sexual feelings and fear at the same time.
There they lay…2500 puzzle pieces. A completed picture just waiting to be put together. So, where do you start when beginning to put the pieces of a puzzle together? Some folks may decide to begin with the framework…the outer edges. Others may start sorting them out by color, design or maybe even sorting them by shape. It doesn't really matter the plan on how to begin...the end result is really the only thing that counts.
These scattered puzzle pieces came to my mind as I began to think about what to write for this article. Knowing that I would be writing a bit about my past caused my mind to picture a table filled with scattered puzzle pieces. Various shapes, sizes, and colors, all had their own meaning and also each had their place in my life. Some brought joyful and happy memories, while some caused the pain of the past to come swiftly into focus.