By Lee D. Preston

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

               Friday, we had a retreat coming out to the Agape Dome. If you have been to the Agape Dome then you understand, if not then to help explain, it is our home but it also sleeps 29 people and was built to be a beacon for folks to come who need healing and hope. We love the place and have seen people find real healing here. Oh, it is just wood, stone, and furnishings, but I believe that God has blessed the place with His peace and He has put us here for a reason.

               Anyway, we had a great group of teens and college age folks coming out to offer a work day for us in exchange for a retreat. We offered food, lodging, swimming, and love and they offered to do some light work around the property. It is a great exchange. And, what more do young people want after a half-day of work outside? Swimming of course! The carrot that was held out for them was this, “You all work hard in the September, Texas heat and we will feed you well and offer you cool, clear water to jump into after a hard few hours of work. Wouldn’t you know that Friday morning, we woke to a pool with a pretty heavy “green tinge”!? We had a light rain a day or so prior and it always creates havoc to a delicately balanced pool. I was devastated, lost, and well, discouraged. You know those times when it seems like just one more thing can tip the scales of your faith? Well, this was that one thing that tipped my scale. I felt completely alone, completely defeated, and well, ready to throw in the towel (no pun intended). All over what? Pool water….

I was meeting with a couple this morning and we were talking about understanding and how God sees more than we do and simply asks us to trust, even when we don't see the whole picture. The husband of this wonderful couple was talking about how he is the "fixer" at his job. He is able to talk to the "Big Boss" and know where the direction of the company is going, and therefore while he may not be at liberty to share with others, he directs his employees as he sees them fitting into the big picture. He describing the situation where many employees get frustrated and question him because they only see what they know, but don't see the big picture. We talked about how if only they could trust that he knows the big picture, they would be better able to go along without question.I came away from that interaction realizing that God handles us very similarly. I don't always know the big picture, but I just want him to tell me how things are going to turn out... sometimes He does and sometimes He doesn't. Trusting that He knows the big picture is not my problem, trusting that I can trust Him even when I don't know the big picture is.

Facing life's challenges, no matter how large or small, is contingent on one thing - our understanding of just how much our God loves us. There are so many different discussions regarding bad things happening to us in this world. Some believe God allows it, some say God is testing us, maybe God has merely set this world in motion standing back and watching as life unfolds, or maybe bad things just happen in this world. There may be some truth in all of these, but regardless of the origin, hurt hurts, trouble troubles, and pain is painful. It doesn't change the experience and it does not change the results of our circumstances.

One of the greatest gifts God has taught me is that He always uses periods when it comes to freedom and healing. What this means to me is that when God sets you free, you are free indeed. However, satan loves to use question marks. At times in my life when God has been doing a great healing in my life and I feel free, satan comes in with a question “Are you sure?” God is just not the God of question marks. I love that about Him. He is definitive, determined, and directive. I don’t feel questions when I sit near my Lord. Oh, I may have them, but He is the God of answers not questions. That makes me feel pretty safe. I start to understand that confusion and questions lead me to try and answer and solve. However, if I remember that God is the God of answers and not questions, then I find myself being able to better hear Him. He calms the storm; he doesn’t stir it.

Well, it is raining here today in San Antonio, Texas and I feel the need to write about fair weather…you know the phrase “The weather today will be fair and partly cloudy.” That’s the way we like it right? Fair, no rain, not too hot, not too cold, a few clouds, but mostly we like it just right. In my life today, my God became my fair weather friend and I realized that I did not like it, although I do it all the time. I don’t understand why the Creator of this universe, my Creator, my Father, my Dad, can lose my trust, my unconditional love, my hope just because the weather starts to turn. Oh, I don’t mean that the rain caused me to doubt my “heavenly dad”, I mean the weather of my life, the rain of disappointment, the flurries of doubt, the rays of rejection, the pounding hailstones of unmet expectations; all of these work together to remove the trust that I have in my God and cause me to turn and run from Him, angry, hurt, and pouting because He has not met my expectations today.

The need to control runs deep in my veins. Simple tasks get turned into arguments and frustration as I attempt to grasp on to any fragments of security that so easily seem to slip through my fingers. Why do I have to be in control in the first place? Well, I have thought about this many times and have realized that although, I don’t like to admit it, I like having my way. Now, this is just the tip of the iceberg regarding the need to control, but it is an important piece. The need to have my way seems to have its roots deeply intertwined in selfishness and perfectionism. Okay, you may be saying… Hey Lee, we already know this – what are you really trying to say?” Well, I guess as I began to see my need to control, I realized that it's not just a ravenous appetite for power over others and situations, it seems to be rooted in hurt and fear.

If we take a trip back in time to the days before Jesus' death on the cross, we might understand a little more about another time in history when all hope was lost, or so it seemed. As I think about that time, I can only imagine several experiences both mentally and emotionally that those involved might have experienced. Let's put ourselves in the shoes of the disciples a day or two before the crucifixion. Jesus seems thoughtful, introspective, not really his usually joyful and playful self. He keeps talking about this event that is coming that we won't understand. What do we do with this! We should be celebrating right - He has told us He came to earth to set up a "New Kingdom" so He is bound to be just on the other side of taking His throne and bringing all this hurt, pain, and mess to an end! Let's celebrate. Why does He not seem to be very excited?

El Shaddai! That is one of the name’s of God but what does it mean. He is the God of the Supernatural! When Moses passed through the Red Sea on dry ground, that was El Shaddai that did that. When Balaam’s donkey spoke to him to warn him of the Angel of the Lord, El Shaddai did that. El Shaddai is a name given to the attribute of God that speaks of His supernatural power. The power that cannot be challenged and is not challenged by the boundaries of the natural world.

Have you ever known an “elbow rubber”? Someone who seeks the praise of men… not the praise of just any man (or woman) but the praise of men and women who can “get you somewhere”. They ride the coattails of others, they seek those in life because they see an advantage. I think we all know someone like that. I am not here to down or degrade that kind of person, I am only looking to help us all understand more about seeking the praise of men. The praise of men means that we care what others think about us. It also means that we might ignore the person in rags on the front row, yet offer all of our attention to those who come in looking “shiny”.

I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday and we were discussing “quiet times”… You know those things that churchy people have determined that everyone must have to be able to form a relationship with God. He was relaying to me the notion that he feels very guilty and like a failure when he does not get up in the morning to have his quiet time with his Lord.  You know, something struck me as he was talking… Wow, if I had a best friend and I always felt guilty because I didn’t spend enough time with him, then I would probably start feeling like I just didn’t want to be around him at all. As we were talking, I remembered feeling that same way when I was caught up in a “mandatory” quiet time. You see, I believe that Jesus is my best friend and my Father in Heaven is truly my Loving Dad! So, why would I feel “obligated” to have a “quiet time” with him? I am not sure that there is supposed to be “obligation” in love… motivation maybe, desire for sure. But obligation… duty… requirements… just doesn’t feel right to me.