I think that the fear of failure is one of the biggies for men. I mean, even the word, fail-ure slides downhill, like your heading for something bad. We don’t read the instructions, we won’t ask for directions, we don’t dare ask for help to fix the garbage disposal. What is it about men and failure? Why is it that failure is so hard and admitting it can be even harder. For me, failure reminds me of the words my Dad used to tell me in frustration when he and I would be working on something together, “Never mind, I’ll do it.” It is like you don’t even get a second chance to succeed. You may have heard similar words from your father or someone significant in your life. Even as I am writing I am feeling that nervousness in the pit of my stomach reminding me that “you better do it right or he isn’t even going to give you the chance to do it at all.”
The need to control runs deep in my veins. Simple tasks get turned into arguments and frustration as I attempt to grasp on to any fragments of security that so easily seem to slip through my fingers. Why do I have to be in control in the first place? Well, I have thought about this many times and have realized that although, I don’t like to admit it, I like having my way. Now, this is just the tip of the iceberg regarding the need to control, but it is an important piece. The need to have my way seems to have its roots deeply intertwined in selfishness and perfectionism. Okay, you may be saying… Hey Lee, we already know this – what are you really trying to say?” Well, I guess as I began to see my need to control, I realized that it's not just a ravenous appetite for power over others and situations, it seems to be rooted in hurt and fear.
I was driving to work today listening to the radio and heard the song “Slow Fade” by Casting Crowns. It brought tears to my eyes. What is a slow fade? It is a glance, a momentary lapse in judgement, an intruding thought… it is one degree to the left that destroys mind, body, spirit, and soul, little by little. The song’s lyrics “people never crumble in a day” is so convicting because we don’t realize what one look, one thought, one glance will do to our purity, our lives, our faith, and our relationships. The destruction that a slow fade produces is devastating – we would be much more aware if a bomb hit our home, but much less aware if there were termites, eating, destroying silently; maybe seeing one, maybe seeing glimpses of the destruction, but it is not until untold damage is done that we begin to be aware of the complete devastation that was going on behind our backs while we continued in our complacency.